the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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