I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my shit smells like andre
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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