i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You were trust falling into bushes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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