turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
