have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
