Me too!
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
