Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Come on in and take your pants off
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