just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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