i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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