I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
