I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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