turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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