Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
