There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
