11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
