New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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