i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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