i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
