gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
