I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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