Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
