She announced her abortion via fbk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
