if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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