I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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