I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
