to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize