i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
