Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
