God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
