Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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