it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
