He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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