You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
