I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
