You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
