when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
