i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize