Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
