Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
