So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
