i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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