My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize