Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
