So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
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