You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
