I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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