Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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