I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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