my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
