So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
