Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
