You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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