you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
