Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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