please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
