Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
