That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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