Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
