he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
