The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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