Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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